How do we keep play in a D/s marriage fresh and exciting over the long haul? All too frequently yesterday’s super hot D/s relationship starts to feel like 50 shades of "meh" after play becomes lackluster or very infrequent. Here is one possible solution submitted for your consideration.

My confessor recently sent me a message in which he said the following: “Still reeling from the mental adjustment I was taken through. I have always been a paying client; a sub with an agenda. No more. My wife and her accomplice took me where I've never been before; complete and visceral subjugation. I think I'm addicted. And I'm free.”


My confessor is one lucky guy. Not only does he get dominated by his loving wife; she double teams him with an accomplished professional dominatrix. What did he do in his last life to deserve such sweet mistreatment? Was he perhaps Mahatma Gandhi?

And he is not alone. A blogosphere acquaintance of mine sent me the following e-mail a few days ago:

 “My wonderful Wife/Mistress has been battling with the "change in life" and a resultant loss of sexual interest so my punishments have been sporadic and my behavior less than ideal. So we mutually agreed that I needed a good thrashing from a pro, but not from one who would introduce any "overtly sexual pleasures" to quote my W/M.


For a man who comes to his submission after marriage and is successful in having his wife at least explore it with him, there seems to be an almost inexorable drive to want more and more intense experiences as the feelings generated by service, punishment and orgasm control overwhelm his emotional balance.

Meanwhile, from what I gather from many blogs, the wife, even those who try to enthusiastically embrace their spouse's needs, can rarely keep up the emotional bullet train their husband is riding.


It is a mystery to me where my wife developed the self-confidence to allow me this freedom, but it is a gift from the angels. The price she extracts for this is the expectation that my submissive behavior will be impeccable and that I give her, from my funds, an amount equal to what the pro domme received to spend as she wishes.”

My confessor had these thoughts to add about his arrangement:

 “I think it's the bells and whistles that I crave, maybe more than the frequency (unless frequency is zero!). Give me a 'big event' once every two months, I'd be delighted. Pomp and circumstance is very important for me.

Escalation applies not just for married guys but to submissive guys throughout their lives. The question is can the wife keep up with the desire for more and more intensity?